Upset

If Ellen stopped communicating to me, don't I have a right to be sad .. or rebel?  Probably to her rebelling would mean being mean.  I mean like making a plaque.  Because all I did was I said you ain't got nothing on me meanie, and she figured she can think it's written to her when I didn't reveal it was and .. she thinks it's my initial reaction in thinking this, when in fact I felt that but didn't mean that, didn't say I meant that.  I think she was taken aback because she lives by numbers 1-9.  It's her show, and she can decide to do it, but she can't make me feel guilty for doing it.  How dare she.. see she'd not like me to continue.  That's the kind of thing, and she just stops.  I think she's just racist.  -I'll think of all she done for me, but I wish I hadn't yet even met- which isn't a good thing, neither.  I've made suggestions for her to talk to others but remember me.. which didn't mean anything to her she made up I found|figured.. that she spends too much on me and I now question the reasoning behind something of the essence of it.  Well, my life is on my blog, so whatever she does.  I found it thoughtful, but I mean I know she wants people to be happy and then she's happy.. she doesn't wanna go and die with the world so bad.  She gets upset if I don't love and respect her.  I was really mad, and that's something she doesn't want.  I found what she said 1st insulting.  I think people get I am not a kid and don't wanna be punished.  I mean, I am too old to pick up, is that the point?!!  I have more of a care for adults.  I would not wanna meet Ellen cuz she'd say I'm too old to be her kid and someone else-ISN'T.  There would be a spark and calculation that she has some better traits than me, and it'd go to her.  Well, okay, you can read through this now getting a bit lengthy.  I just wanted to say I felt what I felt but I didn't feel that's "what" I wrote.  I can kinda see it now.  It wasn't anything but a feeling.  I am insulted I guess by something I agreed to, that I be treated worse than others.  Can you explain that?  Now, I'm bad supposedly?  That's what I don't take with anyone, that suddenly maybe the bad people were mistreated so that means good people go to Hell.  That's a sin.  I think Tim Burton and Johnny Depp did it.  Remember?  They tell other bad people to be comfortable and have an intellectual drug on people who are not famous who are good?  Then racism??  What do you think of Ellen saying I was bad at 1st.. what was it?  I know she doesn't have something going and is afraid to click with others.  I didn't say literally she has nothing going.  I can't imagine her talking to me and someone else - it'd just be a competition.  I found it like horrific she like "plastered" herself up as being nice to me.  Yer mean, guess ye own up.  But she wasn't.  She acted like being mean to me was nice.  There was a secret message.  It was just too much, not used to stuff or letting go some.  Rubbing in like I'm behavioral exemplified trash like she just messed up on me.  Why don't we tie her on a stake and get her to admit she is flawed?  No offense!!  So.. this was sad.  I didn't continue and felt bad and she just got mad.  I was mad after supper, though, so what?  I don't need to be weird for anyone.  It's just too bad she doesn't take apologies.  I'm not even talking to her face.  I'm describing something important.  She was bugging me to make me look bad.  She is oddly nice.  I hope things are going well for her..